Mercuriosities

An amusing account of a wedding journey in Sussex shows the extent of the Mercury’s news-gathering.  Note the use of the long ‘s’.

“Last week a very extraordinary Wedding was celebrated at Maerfield in Sussex, where the Ages of the Bride, Bridegroom, and the Horse they rode upon to be married; amounted to 214 Years, the Man was 96, the Woman 94, and the Horse 24.  As they did not care to be married where they were known, they set out, secretly for a Church at some Distance from their Habitation, and in their way thither, the Bridegroom fell off his Horse, but by the help of a friendly Gate, made shift to mount again.  As they were coming back, the Bride had the Misfortune to slip off the Pilion behind, and the Bridegroom’s Senses not being very perfect, he never miss’d her till he had jogg’d on some Miles, and was at last forced to return, with Assistance, to bring her home.”

Stamford Mercury 2 September, 1736.

This item picked by the Mercury from the Journal de Paris is a fine example of Napoleon Buonaparte’s propaganda machine.  It was not for another fifty years that England began to move its town-centre church graveyards to purpose built cemeteries on the outskirts of settlements, owing to fears of cholera and itinerant tramps.

“The King of Spain has followed the examples of all other enlightened sovereigns.  No persons can in future be buried in churches in Spain, and all church-yards are in future to be at some distance from cities, towns, or villages.  England is now the only country in Europe, where the barbarous usage still continues of burying persons in churches and in church-yards, situate in the middle of the most populous streets, and where the dead have the privilege to infect and poison the living.  This is another evidence of the vilisation* of the nation of boxing shop-keepers.”

Stamford Mercury 24 August, 1804.

*presumably this is a ‘dig’ at our ci-vilisation!

Leafing through the archives the other day I came across this most entertaining article which gives an ideal example of the complexities of parliamentary language.

“By the resolution of the House of Commons expressed on Tuesday night, a great part of the interesting plan of Mr. Whitbread for the amelioration of the condition of the poor is rendered nugatory*.  The great object of compelling the establishment of parochial schools being defeated, we are left, of course, just where we hitherto have been in that particular.  To pass and Act of Parliament to allow vestries to do, if they think fit, what they have been at no time prevented from doing, is really absurd, or too refined for vulgar comprehension!  It is surely strange, that on the occasion of a debate and division on so widely operative and generally interesting a measure, no more than 47 members of the House of Commons should be found in their places – seven more than are necessary for forming a House to pass an inclosure bill!”

Stamford Mercury 24th July, 1807.

* nugatory = of no value

A woman’s fall at Uffington is an extreme example of the come-uppance of eaves-droppers.

“An extraordinary case of this kind occurred at Uffington, near Stamford, on Friday last, very early in the morning.  A married woman, about 35 years of age, the wife of a labourer named Stanton, was indulging in very attentive observation of the proceedings in a neighbouring house, when, leaning too far out of a window in her earnestness to see all that could be seen, she lost her hold, and was precipitated heavily to the ground from a height of about 15 feet. Her fall being upon a hard pavement, she fractured her right collar-bone, three or four of her ribs, her breast-bone, and her left arm, besides dreadfully bruising herself in other parts of the body. The poor woman was brought to the Stamford Infirmary, where she now lies in a precarious state.”

Stamford Mercury 3rd April, 1840.

In the eighteenth century, the Mercury did not shy away from reporting gruesome news, as this report of a dead child shows.

“On Monday Morning an Infant was found dead in the Church yard near the End of Wood-street, Cheapside; and though it was wrapt in a Piece of Blanket, the Raven kept in that Place had pick’t out its Eyes, and Part of the Entrails.”

Stamford Mercury 3rd March, 1723.

Another great example of local reporting is this article following the death of a grass snake in Morcott, Rutland. One has to remember that war is imminent!

“A GRASS SNAKE, only two inches short of a yard in length, was killed in the washhouse of Lindsey House, Morcott, by Mr. Plumb, on Tuesday.

The reptile was first noticed by Mr. Plumb’s daughter, Mrs. Philips, who saw it crawling along the path to the outhouse with its head held high.

The body is being preserved in methylated spirits at the village school for exhibition during nature study lessons.”

Stamford Mercury 4th August, 1939.

Smart society was surprised when a well-dressed lady was found to be not all she seemed.

“A very smart and very condescending female made her appearance lately at H……..d, where she outshone most of the country belles in her display of fashionable dress, and her rank in life not being generally known, she was admitted into the genteelest circles.  One day in company she exhibited a hat of peculiar taste, which, equally excited the envy and curiosity of her companions; and being strongly solicited for the name of this novelty, she replied, “that is was a PONTICK Hat” – she soon afterwards quitted the town, when, to the mortification of many tradesmen and milliners, whom she had favoured with her custom, it was discovered that Miss has spoken truth, and that not only her hat, but most of her wardrobe, had literally been obtained upon tick!”

Stamford Mercury 18th July, 1806.

This piece shows how bad spelling and punctuation can cause confusion (and hilarity!).

“The husband of a pious woman, having occasion to make a voyage, his wife sent a written request to the parson of the parish; which, instead of spelling and pointing properly, viz:

“A person having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation;”

She spelt and pointed as follows:-

“A person having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation.”

The parson (who had not examined the contents of the paper) gave it out accordingly.”

Stamford Mercury 17th May, 1805.

 

A husband takes advantage of his wife’s absence by consuming thirty-two pints of porter!  Early porters were strong beers by modern standards.

“A journeyman bookbinder, of Norwich (whilst his wife was from home last week), being determined to be happy for one day in his life, actually drank thirty-two pints of Norwich porter (4 gallons), viz. 17 pints before dinner and 15 after it.”

Stamford Mercury 31st December, 1802.